I hate gossip!

Whenever people start to gossip to me or around me, I'm like a deer in the headlights with my mind racing: "oh, dear, how can I make it stop?"

I've tried it all, defending the person, redirecting the conversation, sitting silently, openly saying I don't want to gossip. None of them are fool-proof. My final solution is to avoid said gossipers, because they are often serial gossipers.

One of the worst, the easiest to get sucked into & the hardest to recognize, is the "concerned friend." I've been sucked into conversations like that before, but what I've come to find is the even if the facts are right, the spin is typically wrong. And unfortunately, once someone has been damaged, that IS how people see them, even if proven false.

I've recently been in close association with a couple of serial gossipers; nice, funny, interesting people. But after spending a few hours (or a day) with them, deflecting, redirecting, biting my tongue, picking my words SO carefully, I come away exhausted. And with my brain full of negative thoughts about many in our mutual acquaintance.

Tertullian, on Marriage

"In the time of the early Church, Tertullian, believing his death to be approaching, wrote two books entitled Ad Uxorem, To My Wife. In the last chapter of the second book he gives an unforgettable picture of marriage. One cannot meditate on it too often.
He extols the happiness of marriage 'which the Church approves, the Holy Sacrifice confirms, the Blessing seals, the Angels witness, and God ratifies. What an alliance is that of two faithful souls united in a single hope, under a single discipline, under a similar dependence. Both are servants of the same Master. There is not distinction of mind or of body. Both are in truth one flesh. Where there is but one body, there is but one mind. They kneel in prayer together, they teach each other, support each other. They are together in church, together at the Banquet of God, together in trials, in joy. They are incapable of hiding from each other, of deserting each other, of annoying each other. In complete liberty, they visit the sick and help the poor . Without anxiety about each other they give alms freely, assist at Holy Mass and without any embarrassment manifest their fervor daily. They do not know what it means to make a furtive sign of the cross, to mumble trembling greetings, to invoke silent blessings. They sing hymns and psalms vying with each other to give God the most praise. Christ rejoices to see and hear them and gives them His peace. Wherever they are, Christ is with them.'

Daily Mass

I used to go to Mass daily, solo. It was a wonderful time of spiritual growth. Then I discerned that my kids needed to go. Another time of growth, but different. Now I see that I must leave God at the altar to find Him in my duties, as St Frances of Rome says. I think my time at Daily Mass was so beautiful, but now I offer my aching and longing as a gift. As a friend reminded me recently: 1 Samuel
15:22 "And Samuel said: Doth the Lord desire holocausts and victims, and not rather that the voice of the Lord should be obeyed? For obedience is better than sacrifices: and to hearken rather than to offer the fat or rams."



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A moving civil war love letter

July 14, 1861
Camp Clark, Washington

My very dear Sarah:
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more . . .

I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans on the triumph of the Government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am willing—perfectly willing—to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt . . .

Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly on with all these chains to the battle field.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness . . .

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again . . .

Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the first Battle of Bull Run, July 21, 1861.

http://www.pbs.org/civilwar/war/ballou_letter.html

On the balancing the right to educate our children with the responsiblities

We often hear in the home schooling community about the parent's right to home school...or "unschool."  Here is a quote from Pope Pius XI in the Encyclical On Christian Education that should guide our decision to school and in what manner we should school (emphasis added).

59. "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child and the rod of correction shall drive it away."[40] Disorderly inclinations then must be corrected, good tendencies encouraged and regulated from tender childhood, and above all the mind must be enlightened and the will strengthened by supernatural truth and by the means of grace, without which it is impossible to control evil impulses, impossible to attain to the full and complete perfection of education intended by the Church, which Christ has endowed so richly with divine doctrine and with the Sacraments, the efficacious means of grace.

60. Hence every form of pedagogic naturalism which in any way excludes or weakens supernatural Christian formation in the teaching of youth, is false. Every method of education founded, wholly or in part, on the denial or forgetfulness of original sin and of grace, and relying on the sole powers of human nature, is unsound. Such, generally speaking, are those modern systems bearing various names which appeal to a pretended self-government and unrestrained freedom on the part of the child, and which diminish or even suppress the teacher's authority and action, attributing to the child an exclusive primacy of initiative, and an activity independent of any higher law, natural or divine, in the work of his education.

And here is an article that will make you re-read the above quotes with greater interest:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/the-hot-button/is-home-schooling-a-better-option-than-public-school/article2160188/

And an article that will make you re-read the above article with greater interest:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/breaking/chi-caterpillar-ceo-says-company-cant-find-enough-skilled-workers-20110912,0,7463843.story

On religious laxity

St. John of the Cross: "If at any time someone, whether superior or anyone else, should try to persuade you of a lax teaching, even though it be confirmed by miracles, do not believe or embrace it; rather, greater penance and greater detachment from all things. And do not seek Christ without the cross."

For the reluctant learner...

St. Joseph was born at Cupertino, in the diocese of Nardo in the Kingdom of Naples, in 1603. After spending his childhood and adolescence in simplicity and innocence, he finally joined the Franciscan Friars Minor Conventual. After his ordination to the holy priesthood, he gave himself up entirely to a life of humiliation, mortification, and obedience. He was most devoted to the Blessed Virgin Mary and promoted devotion to her among all classes of people.

His mother considered him a nuisance and treated him harshly. Joseph soon became very slow and absent-minded. He would wander around, going nowhere, his mouth gaping open. But he had a bad temper, too, and so, he was not at all popular. He tried to learn the trade of shoemaking, but failed. He asked to become a Franciscan, but they would not accept him. Next, he joined the Capuchins, but eight months later, they sent him away because he could not seem to do anything right. He dropped piles of dishes and kept forgetting to do what he was told. His mother was not at all pleased to have the eighteen-year-old Joseph back home again, so she finally got him accepted as a servant at the Franciscan monastery. He was given the monks habit and put to hard work taking care of the horses. About this time, Joseph began to change. He grew more humble and gentle, more careful and successful at his work. He also began to do more penance. Now, it was decided that he could become a real member of the Order and start studying for the priesthood. Although he was very good, he still had a hard time with studies. The examiner happened to ask him to explain the only thing he knew well, and so he was made a deacon, and later a priest. After this, God began to work many amazing miracles through St. Joseph. Over seventy times, people saw him rise from the ground while saying mass or praying. Often he went into ecstasy and would be completely rapt up in talking with God. He became so holy that everything he saw made him think of God, and he said that all the troubles of this world were nothing but the "play" battles children have with popguns. St. Joseph became so famous for the miracles that he was kept hidden, but he was happy for the chance to be alone with his beloved Lord. On His part, Jesus never left him alone and one day came to bring him to Heaven. Pope Clement XIII canonized him in 1767. He is the patron saint of air travelers and pilots.





http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=72
Feastday: September 18th
Patron of Aviators, Flying & Studying
b: 1603 d: 1663

Dorothy Day

In 2000, the late John Cardinal O’Connor, bishop of New York, compared Dorothy Day's conversion to Catholicism to Saint Augustine’s. In announcing the opening of her cause for sainthood, he wrote of Day:

“To be sure, her life is a model for all in the third millenium, but especially for women who have had or are considering abortions. It is a well-known fact that Dorothy Day procured an abortion before her conversion to the Faith. She regretted it every day of her life. After her conversion from a life akin to that of the pre-converted Augustine of Hippo, she proved a stout defender of human life. The conversion of mind and heart that she exemplified speaks volumes to all women today on two fronts. First, it demonstrates the mercy of God, mercy in that a woman who sinned so gravely could find such unity with God upon conversion. Second, it demonstrates that one may turn from the ultimate act of violence against innocent life in the womb to a position of total holiness and pacifism. In short, I contend that her abortion should not preclude her cause, but intensifies it.”

Augustine on Scripture and Meditation

"I listened with delight to Ambrose, in his sermons to the people as he drew aside the mystic veil and opened to view the spiritual meaning...For, as to those passages in the Scripture which had heretofore appeared incongruous and offensive to me, now that I had heard several of them expounded reasonably, I could see that they were to be resolved by the mysteries of spiritual interpretation. The authority of Scripture seemed to me all the more revered and worthy of devout belief because, although it was visible for all to read, it reserved the full majesty of its secret wisdom within its spiritual profundity. While it stooped to all in the great plainness of its language and simplicity of style, it yet required the closest attention of the most serious- minded." -Confessions, Book VI

Archbishop Fulton Sheen on Purity

"Purity is not something negative; it is not just an unopened bud; it is not something cold; it is not ignorance of life. Is justice merely the absence of dishonesty? Is mercy merely the absence of cruelty? Is faith merely the absence of doubt? Purity is not merely the absence of sensuality; it is selflessness born of love and the highest love of all." Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Excellent quote on Athetism...

"Would there ever be prohibition unless there was something to prohibit? Would there ever be anti-cigarette laws unless there were cigarettes? How could there be atheists unless there was something to atheate? Atheism is not a doctrine; it is a cry of wrath. By night an atheist half-believes there is a God. Archbishop Fulton Sheen

St. Ambrose on Speaking. Or not.

Manifold dangers are incurred by speaking; the remedy for which Scripture shows to consist in silence.

Now what ought we to learn before everything else, but to be silent, that we may be able to speak? Lest my voice should condemn me, before that of another acquit me; for it is written: By your words you shall be condemned. Matthew 12:37 What need is there, then, that you should hasten to undergo the danger of condemnation by speaking, when you can be more safe by keeping silent? How many have I seen to fall into sin by speaking, but scarcely one by keeping silent; and so it is more difficult to know how to keep silent than how to speak. I know that most persons speak because they do not know how to keep silent. It is seldom that any one is silent even when speaking profits him nothing. He is wise, then, who knows how to keep silent. Lastly, the Wisdom of God said: The Lord has given to me the tongue of learning, that I should know when it is good to speak. Justly, then, is he wise who has received of the Lord to know when he ought to speak. Wherefore the Scripture says well: A wise man will keep silence until there is opportunity. Sirach 20:7

Therefore the saints of the Lord loved to keep silence, because they knew that a man's voice is often the utterance of sin, and a man's speech is the beginning of human error. Lastly, the Saint of the Lord said: I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I offend not in my tongue. For he knew and had read that it was a mark of the divine protection for a man to be hid from the scourge of his own tongue, Job 5:21 and the witness of his own conscience. We are chastised by the silent reproaches of our thoughts, and by the judgment of conscience. We are chastised also by the lash of our own voice, when we say things whereby our soul is mortally injured, and our mind is sorely wounded. But who is there that has his heart clean from the impurities of sin, and does not offend in his tongue? And so, as he saw there was no one who could keep his mouth free from evil speaking, he laid upon himself the law of innocency by a rule of silence, with a view to avoiding by silence that fault which he could with difficulty escape in speaking.

Let us hearken, then, to the master of precaution: I said, I will take heed to my ways; that is, I said to myself: in the silent biddings of my thoughts, I have enjoined upon myself, that I should take heed to my ways. Some ways there are which we ought to follow; others as to which we ought to take heed. We must follow the ways of the Lord, and take heed to our own ways, lest they lead us into sin. One can take heed if one is not hasty in speaking. The law says: Hear, O Israel, the Lord your God. Deuteronomy 6:4 It said not: Speak, but Hear. Eve fell because she said to the man what she had not heard from the Lord her God. The first word from God says to you: Hear! If you hear, take heed to your ways; and if you have fallen, quickly amend your way. For: Wherein does a young man amend his way; except in taking heed to the word of the Lord? Be silent therefore first of all, and hearken, that you fail not in your tongue.

http://www.newadvent.org/fathers/34011.htm

Extraordinary families of God

Servant of God Fr John Hardon, wrote, "Ordinary Catholic families cannot survive. They must be extraordinary families. They must be, what I do not hesitate to call, heroic Catholic families. Ordinary Catholic families are no match for the devil as he uses the media of communication to secularize and de-sacralize modern society. No less than ordinary individual Catholics can survive, so ordinary Catholic families cannot survive. They have no choice. They must either be holy—which means sanctified—or they will disappear. The only Catholic families that will remain alive and thriving in the 21st century are the families of martyrs. Father, mother and children must be willing to die for their God-given convictions."

A woman's burden...

One of the most edifying and challenging thing I have heard or read on being a woman; wife and mother.  I'm reposting this for all of you as I sit here crying.

Women stand in a very weird place spiritually that is very hard for them to embrace. There is very little worldly reward for a woman's religion as opposed to a man's. Women require a greater degree of humility than men do because God has subjected women in more things than men. That's why in Genesis, God said,

"To the woman also he said: I will multiply thy sorrows, and thy conceptions: in sorrow shalt thou bring forth children, and thou shalt be under thy husband's power, and he shall have dominion over thee." (Genesis 3:16)


Have you ladies ever really sat and meditated on that passage? That explains EVERYTHING. It really does. Women have a hard penance to bear for Eve's sin and what we see in all of the modern mess is an attempt to (wrongly) get out from under it. Eve's original sin was worse than Adam's (St. Paul said so) and I would grant the fact that women have a heavier spiritual burden to bear.
--William Michael, director, CLAA

I do not expect that I will be a saint someday, but God willing, I will raise saints!

A most beautiful blessing ...

...and an awesome responsibility (for this requires we respond to God's blessing):

"This I pray, that your charity may more and more abound in knowledge, and in all understanding: That you may approve the better things, that you may be sincere and without offence unto the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of justice, through Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God." -Phlippians 1

Parenting 101.

"For whom the Lord loveth, he chastiseth; and he scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. Persevere under discipline. God dealeth with you as with his sons; for what son is there, whom the father doth not correct? But if you be without chastisement, whereof all are made partakers, then are you bastards, and not sons. Moreover we have had fathers of our flesh, for instructors, and we reverenced them: shall we not much more obey the Father of spirits, and live? And they indeed for a few days, according to their own pleasure, instructed us: but he, for our profit, that we might receive his sanctification. Now all chastisement for the present indeed seemeth not to bring with it joy, but sorrow: but afterwards it will yield, to them that are exercised by it, the most peaceable fruit of justice. Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, And make straight steps with your feet: that no one, halting, may go out of the way; but rather be healed." -- Hebrews 12

Lord knows it would be so much EASIER to just give them their way.  Thank God I love them enough to discipline them and myself.

Going to Confession!

When we are about to go to confession the first thing we should do is to PRAY TO THE HOLY SPIRIT to give us light to know and remember all our sins; to fully understand how displeasing they are to God, and to have a great sorrow for them, which includes the resolution of never committing them again. The next thing we should do is:

(1) "EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE"; and first of all we find out how long a time it is since our last confession, and whether we made a good confession then and received Holy Communion and performed our penance. The best method of examining is to take the Commandments and go over each one in our mind, seeing if we have broken it, and in what way; for example: First. "I am the Lord thy God; thou shalt not have strange gods before Me." Have I honored God? Have I said my prayers morning and night; have I said them with attention and devotion? Have I thanked God for all His blessings? Have I been more anxious to please others than to please God, or offended Him for the sake of others? Second "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain." Have I cursed? Have I taken God's name in vain or spoken without reverence of holy things? Third. "Remember thou keep holy the Sabbath day." Have I neglected to hear Mass through my own fault on Sundays and holy days of obligation? Have I kept others from Mass? Have I been late, and at what part of the Mass did I come in? Have I been willfully distracted at Mass or have I distracted others? Have I done servile work without necessity? Fourth. "Honor thy father and thy mother." Have I been disobedient to parents or others who have authority over me—to spiritual or temporal superiors, teachers, etc.? Have I slighted or been ashamed of parents because they were poor or uneducated? Have I neglected to give them what help I could when they were in need of it? Have I spoken of them with disrespect or called them names that were not proper? Fifth. "Thou shalt not kill." Have I done anything that might lead to killing? Have I been angry or have I tried to take revenge? Have I borne hatred or tried to injure others? Have I given scandal? Sixth. "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Have I indulged in any bad thoughts, looked at any bad pictures or objects, listened to any bad conversation, told or listened to bad or immodest jokes or stories, or, in general, spoken of bad things? Have I done any bad actions or desired to do any while alone or with others? Seventh. "Thou shalt not steal." Have I stolen anything myself or helped or advised others to steal? Have I received anything or part of anything that I knew to be stolen? Do I owe money and not pay it when I can? Have I bought anything with the intention of never paying for it or at least knowing I never could pay for it? Have I made restitution when told to do so by my confessor; or have I put it off from time to time? Have I failed to give back what belonged to another? Have I found anything and not tried to discover its owner, or have I kept it in my possession after I knew to whom it belonged? Have I cheated in business or at games? Eighth. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor." Have I told lies or injured anyone by my talk? Have I told the faults of others without any necessity? It is not allowed to tell the faults of others—even when you tell the truth about them—unless some good comes of the telling. Ninth. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife." This can come into our examination on the Sixth Commandment. Tenth. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods." This can come into our examination on the Seventh Commandment.

After examining yourself on the Commandments of God, examine yourself on the Commandments of the Church.

First. "To hear Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation." This has been considered in the examination on the Third Commandment. Second "To fast and abstain on the days appointed." Have I knowingly eaten meat on Ash Wednesday or the Fridays of Lent, or not done some chosen penance on the other Fridays of the year, or not fasted on Ash Wednesday or Good Friday, unless I had good reason not to do so on account of poor health or other reason? Third. "To confess at least once a year." Is it over a year, and how much over it, since I have been to confession? Fourth. "To receive Holy Eucharist during the Easter time." Did I go to Holy Communion between the first Sunday of Lent and Trinity Sunday? If not, I have committed a mortal sin. Fifth. "To contribute to the support of our pastors." Have I helped the church and reasonably paid my share of its expenses—given to charity and the like, or have I made others pay for the light, heat, and other things that cost money in the church, and shared in their benefits without giving according to my means? Have I kept what was given me for the church or other charity, or stolen from the church and not stated that circumstance when I confessed that I stole? Sixth. "Not to marry persons who are not Catholics, or who are related to us within the third degree of kindred, or privately without witnesses, nor to solemnize marriage at forbidden times." Have I anything to tell on this Commandment?
After examining yourself on the Commandments of God and of His Church, examine yourself on the capital sins, especially on "Pride." Have I been impudent and stubborn, vain about my dress, and the like? Have I despised others simply on account of poverty or something they could not help? "Gluttony." Have I ever taken intoxicating drink to excess or broken a promise not to take it? Have I knowingly caused others to be intoxicated? "Sloth." Have I wasted my time willfully and neglected to do my duty at school or elsewhere? After examining yourself on the Commandments and capital sins, examine yourself on the duties of your state of life. If you are at school, how have you studied? You should study not alone to please your parents or teachers, but for the sake of learning. If you are at work, have you been faithful to your employer, and done your work well and honestly?

The above method is generally recommended as the best in the examination of conscience. But you need not follow these exact questions; you can ask yourself any questions you please: the above questions are given only as examples of what you might ask, and to show you how to question yourself. It is useless to take any list of sins in a prayerbook and examine yourself by it, confessing the sins just as they are given. If you do take such a list and find in it some questions or sins that you do not understand, do not trouble yourself about them. In asking yourself the questions, if you find you have sinned against a Commandment, stop and consider how many times. There are few persons who sin against all the Commandments. Some sin against one and some against another. Find out the worst sin you have and the one you have most frequently committed, and be sure of telling it.

(2) "HAVE SORROW FOR YOUR SINS." After examining your conscience and finding out the sins you have committed, the next thing is to be sorry for them. The sorrow is the most essential part in the whole Sacrament of Penance. In this Sacrament there are, as you know, three parts: contrition, confession, and satisfaction—and contrition is the most important part. When, therefore, we are preparing for confession, we should spend just as much time, and even more, in exciting ourselves to sorrow for our sins as in the examination of our conscience. Some persons forget this and spend all their time examining their conscience. We should pray for sorrow if we think we have none. Remember the act of contrition made at confession is not the sorrow, but only an outward sign by which we make known to the priest that we have the sorrow in our hearts, and therefore we must have the sorrow before making the confession—or at least, before receiving the absolution. Now what kind of sorrow must we have? Someone might say, I am not truly sorry because I cannot cry. If some of my friends died, I would be more sorry for that than for my sins. Do not make any such mistakes. The true and necessary kind of sorrow for sin is to know that by sin you have offended God, and now feel that it was very wrong, and that you have from this moment the firm determination never to offend Him more. If God adds to this a feeling that brings tears to your eyes, it is good, but not necessary.

(3) RESOLVE TO SIN NO MORE: Remember real sorrow for sin supposes and contains "a firm resolution" never to sin again. How can you say to God, "O my God, I am heartily sorry," etc., if you are waiting only for the next opportunity to sin? How can we be sorry for the past if we are going to do the same in the future? Do you think the thief would be sorry for his past thefts if he had his mind made up to steal again as soon as he had the chance? Ah, but you will say, nearly all persons sin again after confession. I know that; but when they were making their confession they thought they never would, and really meant never to sin again; but when temptation came, they forgot the good resolution, did not use God's help, and fell into sin again. I mean, therefore, that at the time you make the act of contrition you must really mean what you say and promise never to sin, and take every means you can to keep that promise. If you do fall afterwards, renew your promise as quickly as possible and make a greater effort than before. Be on your guard against those things that make you break your promise, and then your act of contrition will be a good one. A person may be afraid that he will fall again, but being afraid does not make his contrition worthless as long as he wishes, hopes, and intends never to sin again. We should always be afraid of falling into sin, and we will fall into it if we depend upon ourselves alone, and not on the help which God gives us in His grace.

(4) "CONFESS YOUR SINS." Having made the necessary preparation, you will next go into the confessional; and while you are waiting for the priest to hear you, you should say the Confiteor. When the priest turns to you, bless yourself and say: "Bless me, father, for I have sinned. It is a month or a week (or whatever time it may be) since my last confession, and I have since committed these sins." Then tell your sins as you found them in examining yourself. In confession you must tell only such things as are sins. You must not tell all the details and a long story with every sin. For example, if a boy should confess that he went to see a friend, and after that met another friend, and when he came home he was asked what had kept him, and he told a lie. Now, the going to see the friend and the meeting of the other friend, and all the rest, was not a sin: the sin was telling the lie, and that was all that should have been confessed. Therefore, tell only the sins. Then tell only your own sins, and be very careful not to mention anyone's name—even your own—in confession. Be brief, and do not say, I broke the First Commandment or the Second by doing so and so; tell the sin simply as it is, and the priest himself will know what Commandment you violated. Again, when you have committed a sin several times a day do not multiply that by the number of days since your last confession and say to the priest, I have told lies, for example, four hundred and forty-two times. Such things only confuse you and make you forget your sins. Simply say, I am in the habit of telling lies, about so many, three or four—or whatever number it may be—times a day. Never say "sometimes" or "often" when you are telling the number of your sins. Sometimes might mean ten or it might mean twenty times. How then can the priest know the number by that expression? Give the number as nearly as you can, and if you do not know the whole number give the number of times a day, etc. Never say "maybe" I did so and so; because maybe you did not, and the priest cannot judge. Tell what you consider your worst sin first, then if there be any sin you are ashamed to tell or do not know how to tell, say to the priest: "Father, I have a sin I am ashamed to tell, or a sin I do not know how to tell"; and then the priest will ask you some questions and help you to tell it. But never think of going away from the confessional with some sin that you did not tell. The devil sometimes tempts people to do this, because he does not like to see them in a state of grace and friends of God. When you are committing the sin, he makes you believe it is not a great sin, and that you can tell it in confession; but after you have committed it he makes you believe that it is a most terrible sin, and that if you tell it, the priest will scold you severely. So it is concealed and the person leaves the confessional with a new sin upon his soul—that of sacrilege. When Judas was tempted to betray Our Lord, he thought thirty pieces of silver a great deal of money; and then, after he had committed the sin, he cared nothing for the money, but went and threw it away, and thought his sin so dreadful that he hanged himself, dying in despair.
It is not necessary to tell the priest the exact words you said in cursing or in bad conversation, unless he asks you; but simply say, Father, I cursed so many times. Do not speak too loud in the confessional, but loud enough for the priest to hear you. If you are deaf, do not go into the confessional while others are near, but wait till all have been heard and then go in last, or ask the priest to hear you someplace else.

(5) RECEIVE PENANCE: Listen attentively to hear what "penance" the priest gives you, and say the act of contrition while he pronounces the words of absolution; and above all, never leave the confessional till the priest closes the little door or tells you to go. If the priest does not say at what particular time you are to say your penance, say it as soon as you can.

When you have, told all your sins, you will say: "For these and all the sins of my whole life, especially any I have forgotten, I am heartily sorry, and ask pardon and penance." Listen to the priest's advice, and answer simply any question he may ask you. If you should forget a mortal sin in confession and remember it the same day or evening, or while you are still in the church, it will not be necessary to wait and go to confession again. It is forgiven already, because it was included in your forgotten sins; but you must tell it the next time you go to confession, saying before your regular confession: In my last confession I forgot this sin. Of course if you tried to forget your sins your confession would be invalid. It is only when you examine your conscience with all reasonable care, and then after all forget some sins, that such forgotten sins are forgiven.

Source: CLAA Catechism, Lesson 36 (Baltimore Catechism #4, Lesson 17)

For our sons and daughters

Clean Love in Courtship by Father Lovasik. Here is a great excerpt:

How to Choose a Marriage Partner

The following questions will not only help you to fit yourself for leading a worthy and holy married life, but also enable you to choose a partner in marriage intelligently. These qualifications apply to men and women alike.

1.Friendship
1. Is your friendship morally beneficial? Are you morally better or worse for having been with him, and what can you expect in the future? Would marriage with him help you to observe God’s commandments and practice your religious duties faithfully?
2. Imagine a crisis in your life (poverty, sickness) that might demand a high quality of virtue to remain faithful to God. Would he be a help to the practice of such virtue?
3. Does he drink too much? Gamble?
4. Does he want to indulge in petting, passionate kissing, even at the expense of chastity?
5. Does he control his temper? Has he a sense of humor? Can he keep a secret?
6. Does he practice his religion?
7. What are his views on divorce, on having children, on Catholic education, on frequenting the sacraments?
8. Can you actually point out any definite virtuous qualities, or are they put on for your benefit now?
2. Agreement
1.Is there at least a reasonable degree of similarity between you in regard to the recreations you like?
2.Could you both enjoy staying at home in the evening, especially when children come?
3. Are there any habits now that not only get on your nerves but which you find extraordinarily difficult to overlook?
4. Do you both fit into about the same kind of social life?
5. Does he get along with your family and you with his?
6.Have you both sufficient health for marriage?
7.What are his habits of life: cleanliness, orderliness, good manners, good grammar?
8.Are you able to harmonize judgments on things that pertain to family life: food, kind of house, furnishings, etc.?
9. Have you the same religion and the same standards concerning its practice?
10.Have you the same attitude towards children and their education?
11. Do you feel at ease together, regardless of what you talk about? If you do not meet for some time, are you able to take up where you left off, with something of the naturalness of a family reunion, or do you have to try to work up an acquaintance all over again?
12.Has he a nagging or reforming disposition?
13.Do you see his failings, and are you willing to tolerate them? Does he admit them and is he willing to get over them?
14.With children in mind, would you say that this person would be just the right other parent for them?
3.Self-Sacrifice
1.Is your prospective companion thoughtful of others and has he the power of self-discipline?
2.In his home does he show thoughtfulness of parents and brothers and sisters, and do you get the impression that this is his regular attitude?
3.What little kindnesses, not only to you but to others, have you noticed in him?
4.When he is wrong, does he admit it and try to make up for it?
5.Does he easily and graciously pass over others’ mistakes?
6.Does he look for sympathy too much?
7.Can he give sympathy willingly, or does some one else’s trouble always bring out a greater trouble of his?
8.Does he show that he knows his temper, and that jealousy and other unpleasant traits ought to be controlled?

If it is a Wife You Want:

1.Can she cook and make the house a home?
2.Has she that womanly quality that instinctively puts things in order?
3.Would this girl be a real mother?
4.Could she bear children and sacrifice for them?
5.Could she give the child that early introduction to God that he would never forget?
6.Is she convinced that motherhood is an all-day and an all-night job?
7.How does she speak of children? How does she treat them?
8.What do her younger brothers and sisters think of her?

If is a Husband You Want:

1.How does he like children?
2.Does he like to work? Can he hold a job?
3.Has he a sense of responsibility?
4.Is he “grown up,” or does he have to be pampered?
5.Is he unduly jealous? A braggart? An alibi artist? Is he courteous?

Such questions will bring ,you down to earth and keep you from estimating things merely on the score of fascination. Many of the points are not in themselves important; the general picture that is created by the various answers is very important. Many points cannot be tested out before marriage, but glaring risks can be easily recognized. Though these characteristics need not be present in a high degree at the time of marriage, the beginnings should be present, or at least a genuine willingness and effort to improve.

If there is question of reforming your friend, it should be done before, not after marriage. Do not put your faith in vague promises which seldom materialize. If you cannot get along agreeably before marriage, it is almost certain that you will not get along after marriage.

The rest of the book can be found online here.
https://sites.google.com/site/catholicmarriagefamily/clean-love-in-courtship

Prayer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus for husband and wife

Prayer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus for husband and wife to say in their own behalf.



O most Sacred Heart of Jesus, King and center of all hearts, dwell in our hearts and be our King; grant us by Your grace to love each other truly and chastely, even as You have loved Our spotless Bride, the Chruch and have given Yourself up for her.

Bestow upon us that mutual love and Christian forebearance which are so highly acceptable in Your sight, and a mutual patience in bearing each other's defects; for we are certain that no living creature is free from them. Do not permit even the slightest defect to mar that full and gentle harmony of spirit, the foundation of the mutual assistance in the many and varied hardships of life, that is the end for which woman was created and united inseparably to her husband.

Grant, we bessech you, that our good example of Christian living may serve as a powerful inspiration to our children to conform their own lives to Your holy law; and finally, after this exile may we ascend into heaven, where by the help of Your grace, for which we earnestly pray, we may merit to be joined with our children forever and praise and bless Your through everlasting ages, Amen.


If there is no children, the prayer reads this in place of the last paragraph.
O Lord God, grant that between us there may reign a perpetual holy rivalry toward a life perfectly Christian, by virtue of which there may shine forth more and more clearly as You have deigned to imprint it upon us on the auspicious day of our being made one. Amen.

The Domestic Monastary

I view my life in my home as being the Abbess for a Domestic monastary.  In that, I am not just a "home manager" but also the spiritual guide for my aspirants.  I found this particularly helpful post on the home schooling forum to guide me in delegating duties.

Look to the old, faithful monasteries...they were designed to eliminate idleness and they were often located in cities. Read the rule of St. Benedict--the chapter "On Manual Labor". Note that EVEN ON SUNDAYS--if people were idle, they were assigned work to do. Here are real-life, practical things I do. These aren't online forum things I WISH I did...these are things I do. 1. I use a Blackberry for business and I use the Task List app constantly. Any time I see anything that needs to be done, I stop and jot it down. By the end of the day, I'll have collected 20+ tasks that I don't need to be the one to do. If I see a kid idle, I set him on the task list. "Put that broken picnic table bench in the trash." (15 min). "Go vaccuum out the carpets in the van." (30 min). "Go water the rose bushes out front." (30 min). "Go put a cup of chlorine in the pool and skim it." (45 min) "Go sweep the steps around the house." (30 min). "Go around the house and make sure all the lights are off." (10 min). If you don't voluntarily work in our house...you don't eat. Everyone is constantly doing good tasks because they want to eat. If kids do especially good tasks, they get rewards. For example, my kids normally eat grits for breakfast. Today, my son Jonathan went out and prepared all of our animal feed this morning by himself...and earned blueberry pancakes...just for him. Constant tasks, desirable rewards, undesirable punishments. It's really not complicated. If a kid wants to be stubborn, let him...you'll win because you own and control everything he enjoys. In ancient times, armies raised a siege against an enemy city and forced it to into submission. Parents can do the same. We control all the supply lines. If you have this mindset, your kids won't mess with you for long--and if you're generous, they'll serve you gladly. 2. We prefer to do things the "old-fashioned" way precisely because they are more laborious and occupy hands. I don't want an electric butter churn. I want my 6yo daughter to spend 25 minutes shaking cream in a mason jar until it's butter. I don't want my son to effortlessly and quickly clean the driveway with a leaf-blower. I want him to sweep it, inch-by-inch...and keep him busy for an hour. I don't want to fill the dishwasher and let it run on its own for 30 minutes. I want my two daughters, who have nothing better to do, to stand and wash and rinse and dry each dish by hand. If you multiply convenience appliances, you create idleness. Then, it's your fault. On the other hand, if I have to till a garden, I want convenience because that is not my primary responsibility. I have to get this done as quickly as possible. If my teenage sons are idle, they'll have hoes in their hands preparing the garden soil. My neighbor grew up in a family that grew cotton and he said him and his brothers were up by 5am every day in the summer and got to work in the fields--hoeing down weeds in acres and acres of cotton--as soon as there was enough light to see because if they didn't get their work done early...their father would make them do it the full heat of the afternoon. That's good parenting. 3. Remember the golden rule of chores: No one should be doing anything someone younger can do. If I see my wife doing baby work while the kids are idle and getting into trouble...I yell at HER...not the kids. It's lazy for moms to do baby work because they like to ignore the harder Mom work and pretend that they're busy...wiping tables off? sweeping floors? folding towels? vaccuuming? Please. That's 5 year old work--not adult women's work. The kids are idle and the REAL housewife's work is neglected...but the kids usually get the blame. Not fair..it's Mom's fault. Dad cutting grass all day Saturday while a 10yo boy sits around? Dad's fault. He's doing little boy work and is being irresponsible. He has to do 40 year old man work, not 10 year old boy work. Our society doesn't have many Christian men doing 40 year old man work, let along 60 year old man work. 20 year olds are playing video games (or worse), 30 year olds are working at Starbucks, 40 year olds are looking to buy nice cars, 50 year olds are learning how to budget money, 60 year olds are making excuses for what they've done for the past 40 years. Let's just call things like they are. Put the kids to work and get working on ADULT tasks. If you are (a) doing ALL of your household chores (even in a small apartment), (b) praying as much as you can/should throughout the day and (c) studying as you should ...how in the world can you have any idle time? It's impossible.

(written by Wm Michael on the CLAA family forum)

Friendship is what you put into it, not what you get out of it.

I have a friendship that is a source of much holiness.  It is a friendship whereby I am constantly called to give. I do not get affirmation. I deny my wishes. What is remarkable about this friendship is that it works mostly in absentia.  This is a spiritual friendship.  This is a friendship that calls me to holiness.  It is a friendship that affords me time to contemplate what God is calling me to in my life:  holiness.

During a recently stressful time in my friendship, after much prayer and contemplation, God very clearly spoke to me:

Friendship is what you put into it, not what you get out of it.

What does this mean?  What this means to me is that it doesn't matter how hard my friendship is, it means that it doesn't matter what my friend thinks of me, whether I am affirmed or enjoy my friendship, I am called to love and give without consideration of the cost.  What this means to me is that I have turned a corner.  It means that I am no longer looking at me but looking at another.

I am broken.  I am sinful.  I am fickle and selfish.  I am sometimes vindictive. I am proud and gluttonous.  God seeks me anyways.  I am called to be poured out, empty.  I am called to be holy.  I am called to be constant, giving, gentle, humble, and temperate.

And now there remain faith, hope, and charity, these three:
but the greatest of these is charity.

1 Corinthians 13;13

What is charity?  Charity is love, love in action.  Charity is not a feeling.  Charity isn't about what makes us feel affirmed, it's about what makes another feel love, joy, or peace.  When we stop looking at ourselves, our behavior toward others becomes very clear. 

In the small details, it's not talking, but rather listening.  I have found love in silence. 

It's not churning about with our own agenda, but looking at others to anticipate their needs.  I have found peace in stillness. 

It's reaching out to another, physically or emotionally.  I have found joy in giving.

How does this feel?  It feels empty.  But not in the sense that one has a hole that one needs to fill up, rather that one is full of another.

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;

and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God,

who loved me and gave Himself up for me."

Galatians 2:20

In your marriage, with your children, and with others, be silent and still that you may give to others; for it is in being emptied of ourselves and subsequently filled with Christ that we will achieve perfect communion with Him.

Why study Greek and Latin? Why a classical education?

The reason why St. Thomas or St. Augustine or St. Ignatius studied Latin and Greek was because they had a very different idea of language and its importance than people do today. In those days, a small number of students went to school and it was for an elite linguistic/philosophical/theological education that would serve them well in occuying the "learned professions". Today, ALL kids go to school, and most for no reason at all except that (a) it is required by law (for no real reason, of course) and (b) necessary for college admission (which is just assumed to be necessary for something).

The LIBERAL arts were historically studied by students who weren't concerned with making money. Such students were normally those who (a) belonged to wealthy families and didn't need to make money or (b) would one day take upon themselves the vow of poverty as religious and never work for money. No one was sitting around in the schools asking, "Is this going to help me get a job?" Of course, not, these are LIBERAL arts--the arts studied and used of those free from toil. ...[T]he classical liberal arts are not intended to make people wealthy if money is the chosen form of wealth. Kids who are destined to be "wage-earners" should be learning whatever the economy says needs to be learned.

When I talk about "wage-earners" I am referring to people who are simply doing something for a paycheck. That "something" is usually nothing they are happy about, interested in, etc.. They are living just to earn a wage. That, in the ancient world, was the life of a slave and not a free man...it is living to serve the happiness and increase the wealth of someone else for one's own basic needs. It is a life directed by the will of another, who is not even necessarily a good man or woman. It is a life where one's livelihood is in the hands of others and all he can do is hope they want him around. He can be replaced by 1,000 men and works for no lasting end.

Most people end up in that state because they WEREN'T properly prepared for adulthood, not because God willed it and forced them into it. It has nothing to do with farming or living in a suburb. It has to do with living for something greater than all the non-Christians around us are living for. Will we not differ from them in anything more than bumper stickers and Sunday activities? Is the Christian life really so near to the pagan life that a Christian and pagan man can spend the bulk of their days pursuing the same things?

I'm not interested in that sort of education and no one seeking such an education should pretend to have any interest in "classical" education....[I]f you know at age 5, 7, 8 or 12 that your son is destined to become one of 500 employees chained inside a cubicle under fluorescent lights, selling who-knows-what product to who-knows-who for a paycheck, then what's the point, really, of giving any attention to education beyond English and Arithmetic? This is the kind of argument made by modern schools that argue that kids shouldn't even learn to do Math any more, just use calculators. I mean, really, why bother with any learning at all if it's not necessary for that paycheck?

I just don't believe we are right in having such a dark and pessimistic view of kids. We're so impatient, and we spend time predicting the kids' futures based on their interests, attitudes and habits when they're hardly old enough to begin their studies and then, after we've removed them from all courses in life that would have enriched and edified them, we complain when they're shallow-minded and easily influenced by the world. Christian parents are raising kids with a fear of doing anything different, but then upset when their kids end up the same. I just don't get it.

THE PROBLEM IS THAT WE, IN DIRECTING OUR CHILDREN'S EDUCATION, SET THE LIMIT FOR WHAT OPTIONS WILL BE OPEN TO THEM IN THEIR ADULT LIFE.

I'll repeat that because it's the most important point I'll make:

THE PROBLEM IS THAT WE, IN DIRECTING OUR CHILDREN'S EDUCATION, SET THE LIMIT FOR WHAT OPTIONS WILL BE OPEN TO THEM IN THEIR ADULT LIFE.

If my son, for who knows what reason, would want to one day go find a job working in an office somewhere for as paycheck, he'd be able to with a classical liberal arts education. It would be a terrible waste, but the door would be open to him. He could do just about anything--from manage a farm to enter a monastery to pursue a medical degree. He's educated for life with a classical liberal arts education and is a "citizen of the world" (civis mundi) as Socrates said. If, on the other hand, I give him a bare-bones K-12 education, many doors are shut above him and those doors that are open to him are open to everyone else in his generation. Ultimately, he'll be competing with sinners for work and he'll be at a disadvantage. Can't work Sundays. Need time for family life. Have to support a family. Sinners may not have any such limitations...they can work 24/7, don't need to support anyone else, can travel anywhere and can even accept a lower wage. A future father is at a disadvantage in that job market and that's why Christian men should be discouraged from such a course. It isn't favorable for them.

Personally, I cannot understand why a boy with the prospect of spending his life toiling for a paycheck would not be intensely interested in religious life. Consider the freedom, the simplicity, the love and fellowship of the community, etc.. I can see a young man with a clear occupation provided for him, a successful and enjoyable family business, for example, choosing to remain in the world, start a family, live a balanced life of work, prayer and service, etc.. But a young man with no real plan, no clear vision for how he'll make it in business or trade choosing that instead of such a sure and stable path of life serving the Church without distraction? I don't understand it. Outside of America, this is just not how religious vocations are thought of. It is an American problem that religious life is seen to be a last-option ugly girl to be kept on hold just in case all the pretty girls turn our boys down. Other cultures consider religious life an honor for their families and one of the best ways of fulfilling the commandment to "honor your mother and father". Catholic schools that teach the boys the happiness of religious life, not surprisingly, produce many religious young men.

The question is not what the young boy thinks about the priesthood or religious life, or the learned professions.... He is supposed to be under the discipline and instruction of wiser and holier parents who are persuading him to pursue the best and happiest courses.

[I]t's the Church's mission--AS A WHOLE--to renew the world and that takes place at many different levels. We need to have a holistic understanding of the Church and her mission, not a silly evangelical "witness to your neighbor" idea that puts all kinds of fruitless pressure on people to neglect their daily responsibilities for some hope of converting random people. Does Hollywood gain its influence like that? Did Hitler gain his influence like that? No, they understand that society follows its leaders and the work of leaders trickles down from the highest places into the living rooms of every family by many different means.

St. Paul taught us how to understand the Church and its mission in 1 Corinthians 12:

"God indeed hath set some in the church; first apostles, secondly prophets, thirdly doctors; after that miracles; then the graces of healing, helps, governments, kinds of tongues, interpretations of speeches. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Are all workers of miracles? Have all the grace of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? But be zealous for the better gifts."

Therefore, the Church has many different "members" all of which perform a function within the "body of Christ" that is saving the world. The problem I have is that today, where all Christians are receiving a common education, who will the teachers be? When we look back through history, we see great doctors of the Church--St. Augustine, St. Thomas, St. Bonaventure, etc. We cannot imagine a Catholic Church without them. Doesn't anyone notice that nearly all of the doctors of the Church have something in common?

Personally, I think the whole "we need to be witnesses" hoopla that fills Christian circles has not been reflected on very much. It's lazy thinking that imagines that people need to be "reached" at the workplace. Can't they be left alone to WORK in the workplace? Do they producers of immoral music, pornography, heresies, etc., need to "reach" people at work? No, they primarily do their work in out-of-work social circles, schools and institutions that dominate people's lives. The Church is supposed to be one such dominating influence, but that dominance is weakening because it can't impact the higher levels of society for lack of wise, skilled manpower. Sure there are lots of faithful Catholic laypeople out there, complaining about bad Church music, bad Catholic colleges, bad Catholic schools, diminishing vocations, cloudy teaching, etc.. Well, why the heck do these problems exist? Because no one is committing themselves to raising children with mind prepared to do the work at the highest levels...to run universities, renew the priesthood, clarify Church teaching, transform monasteries, reform Church music, start new (and better) schools, etc.. Look, we've got lots of good Catholic accountants, carpenters, parish priests and housewives...but that's not where the problems are in our society. They're at the top and no one is "reaching" the sources of culture and ideas and social life that flow through the entire society. that is what is fundamentally different between modern Christianity and medieval Christianity. In medieval Christianity, the king of France was counseled by St. Thomas Aquinas and the entire nation was "reached" by true Christianity. Who reached more people, one wise man educated in the classical liberal arts or 10,000 Catholic laypeople in American cities? What we ignore is the fact that every society is dominated by certain philosophical ideas that fill that society like the air and influence everything. Fixing the philosophy fixes the society over time. Leaving the philosophy untouched or in the hands of others and working like crazy to fix all the effects of that philosophy is foolishness, not evangelism. Christianity was an obscure religion, hiding in caves and private meetings until...the Roman emperor converted. Then, almost overnight...the world was "reached", rather OVERTAKEN by Christianity. We've surrendered all of those victories in the past 200 years by allowing ourselves to be convinced that Christianity belongs back in the caves and private meeting rooms where it came from.

Jesus said, "Strike the shepherd and the sheep will be scattered." He taught that "No man can enter into the house of a strong man and rob him of his goods, unless he first bind the strong man, and then he shall plunder his house." David killed Goliath, and the Philistines were easily slaughtered.

Can't we see the problem? The leaders of the wicked movements and institutions sit in our society in ivory towers far from reach while silly Christians argue in the streets about things with people who are themselves controlled by others. Why then are we not training children to strike at the leaders of sinful society and bind the strong men in secular spheres? We're too busy engaging in fruitless works that the enemies of the Church don't fear because they know it's all bark and no bite.

Therefore, I don't believe this pressure to "REACH" others is a wise pressure, especially when young children have the opportunity to pursue the kind of learning that can equip them to get their hands at the springs from which all of the evils in our society flow and fix them there. That is the goal of the classical liberal arts.

[A]t the bare bones level, we must love God and our neighbor enter the kingdom of heaven. The ability to read Latin poetry, translate the Greek New Testament, use a potty, brush one's teeth, make bread, wash clothes, shovel snow, drive a car, write a check, mail a letter, deliver a baby and just about every other ability we can think of are not essential for eternal life.

Unfortunately, just as Jesus became a man and lived an ordinary human life, our salvation is worked in space and time. To perform the works of mercy, we must HAVE the things the needy NEED:

To feed the hungry, we must have food.
To give drink to the thirsty, we must have drink.
To clothe the naked, we must have clothing.
To harbour the harbourless, we must have shelter.
To visit the sick, we must have health.
To ransom the captive, we must be free.
To bury the dead, we must have land, money, etc.


To instruct the ignorant, we must have knowledge.
To counsel the doubtful, we must have counsel.
To admonish sinners, we must model piety.
To bear wrongs patiently, we must have pure hearts.
To forgive offences willingly, we must be merciful.
To comfort the afflicted, we must have that which comforts.
To pray for the living and the dead, we must be righteous.


Now, any idle religious person could talk about being "spiritual", "saved", etc.., but real religion is as much a material thing as a spiritual thing...that's the whole point of the incarnation. God became a man to save the world and called us to follow His example, not pretend we are angels who hover above the earth. When I consider what it means to "work out one's salvation", I don't believe that, as a layman, it means spending more and more time in prayer and contemplation. St. James directly contradicted that notion of religion.

"What shall it profit, my brethren, if a man say he hath faith, but hath not works? Shall faith be able to save him? And if a brother or sister be naked and want daily food: And one of you say to them: Go in peace, be ye warmed and filled; yet give them not those things that are necessary for the body, what shall it profit?"

Therefore, I don't want to talk religion without hands and feet. I want to feed the hungry and therefore I work that I may have something to share. I'm going to need to go out and sacrifice my comfort to compete in the world to earn or work the ground to produce the food that the hungry need. We don't walk into a grocery store with a "I'm a Catholic" button and get free food for the poor handed to us. We have to work for it and that brings us to the real world. A 30 year old man with a general education earning $35,000 a year in a cubicle, struggling to pay his family's rent isn't the kind of person feeding the poor in the world or doing most of the mercy work. The people doing the work of mercy in the world are primarily religious and secondarily the righteous wealthy who aren't killig themselves to earn their wealth. You'll notice that these are the same people who historically were most concerned with the classical liberal arts. As one who works directly with the Missionaries of the Poor, I can assure you that, when all is said and done the majority of the work of the MOP is done by a small group of wealthy benefactors who write the checks for the supplies needed and an army of religious who administer them on the ground. There is a lot of volunteer work, but they administer the supplies being donated by the benefactors, using buildings and equipment the benefactors have provided. Volunteers with good intentions don't put clothe naked children or harbor homeless elderly people. For example, the Holy Innocents Center opening in Jamaica, which will harbor 200 mothers and babies is being built in a building bought by one American man. The beautiful Chapel on Mt Tabor, where dozens of ignorant mountain children are instructed, was paid for by a single benefactor. We can't ignore the reality that, while all of the small gifts given help greatly, the works of mercy depend on the generosity of the righteous wealthy. Therefore, the idea that if we just spent more time hugging eachother and singing hymns rather than studying Grammar and learning philosophy we would do more spiritual good is simply lacking evidence. Go ask the missionaries what kind of people are on their calling list when they need help. It's not the laid-back Christians spending time sitting having "family-time", but movers and shakers who work that they may share and can balance BOTH the ability to generate income with the ability to live a holy life. ....The poor are not fed by grovelling wage-earners but by people who can keep their heads up and their eyes open while conducting their affairs in the world. That work takes great wisdom, cunning and self-motivation, which come not from English book reports and Math workbooks, but from the study of philosophy.

~Taken from comments by Wm Michael on the CLAA Forum, nothing was added, though it is slightly edited and rearranged.

On reading and learning

"Nothing is more common in an age like this, when books abound, than to fancy that the gratification of a love of reading is real study. ...[there are many] who certainly have a taste for reading, but in whom it is little more than the result of mental restlessness and curiosity. Such minds cannot fix their gaze on one object for two seconds together; the very impulse which leads them to read at all, leads them to read on, and never to stay or hang over any one idea. The pleasurable excitement of reading what is new is their motive principle; and the imagination that they are doing something, and the boyish vanity which accompanies it, are their reward. Such youths often profess to like poetry, or to like history or biography; they are fond of lectures on certain of the physical sciences; or they may possibly have a real and true taste for natural {342} history or other cognate subjects;—and so far they may be regarded with satisfaction; but on the other hand they profess that they do not like logic, they do not like algebra, they have no taste for mathematics; which only means that they do not like application, they do not like attention, they shrink from the effort and labour of thinking, and the process of true intellectual gymnastics. The consequence will be that, when they grow up, they may, if it so happen, be agreeable in conversation, they may be well informed in this or that department of knowledge, they may be what is called literary; but they will have no consistency, steadiness, or perseverance; they will not be able to make a telling speech, or to write a good letter, or to fling in debate a smart antagonist, unless so far as, now and then, mother-wit supplies a sudden capacity, which cannot be ordinarily counted on. They cannot state an argument or a question, or take a clear survey of a whole transaction, or give sensible and appropriate advice under difficulties, or do any of those things which inspire confidence and gain influence, which raise a man in life, and make him useful to his religion or his country."

Cardinal John Henry Newmann
On the Idea of a University

Blessings from God

I have a clutch of wonderful friends! These are friends with whom I am competely comfortable, there is balanced give and take, and we can pick up right where we left off! I consider these friendships as part of the treasury of blessings bestowed upon me by God.

Cooking and scripture

I was getting together a brine for some pork I'm BBQ-ing to celebrate the visit of a dear Catholic couple, so open to God and His will in their lives, and I spilled some salt. This quote came to mind of our mutually edifying friendship and Godly friendships in general.

You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt lose its savour, wherewith shall it be salted? It is good for nothing anymore but to be cast out, and to be trodden on by men. You are the light of the world. A city seated on a mountain cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but upon a candlestick, that it may shine to all that are in the house. So let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:13-16

It's the kind of jumbled up thoughts that come to mind when you are cooking & praying!

May you all be blessed with such Godly friendships!

An interesting reading list

1. Epictetus, Golden Sayings
2. Seneca, Moral Essays
3. Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
4. St. Augustine, Confessions
5. Solomon, Proverbs (Bible)
6. Sirach and Wisdom (Bible)
7. The Gospels (Bible)

All of the above mentioned books are available for free as AUDIO files which can be downloaded to a portable device and listened to while driving.

Epictetus http://librivox.org/golden-sayings-of-epictetus-by-epictetus/

Seneca (seems to be all in German)http://librivox.org/newcatalog/search.php?title=&author=seneca&status=all&action=Search

Marcus Aurelius http://librivox.org/the-meditations-of-marcus-aurelius/

Saint Augustine http://librivox.org/confessions-by-saint-augustine-of-hippo/

Solomon, Proverbs-American Standard Version http://librivox.org/the-book-of-proverbs-asv-ss/

Proverbs - World English Version http://librivox.org/old-testament-world-english-bible/

Wisdom, Douay-Rheims http://librivox.org/book-of-wisdom-by-douay-rheims-version/

Nativity, St. Matthew, Douay-Rheims http://librivox.org/newcatalog/search.php?title=&author=Douay-Rheims+Version&action=Search
Librivox.org www.librivox.org

The Mothers of Lu

Without me telling them about this prayer, both my daughter & son announced their intentions within months of me beginning to pray this prayer!

"The little village of Lu, northern Italy, with only a few thousand inhabitants, is in a rural area 90 kilometres east of Turin. It would still be unknown to this day if, in the year 1881, the family others of Lu had not made a decision that had “serious consequences”. The deepest desire of many of these mothers was for one of their sons to become a priest or for a daughter to place her life completely in God’s service.

Under the direction of their parish priest, Msgr. Alessandro Canora, they gathered every Tuesday for adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, asking the Lord for vocations. They received Holy Communion on the first Sunday of every month with the same intention. After Mass, all the mothers prayed a particular prayer together imploring for vocations to the priesthood.

Through the trusting prayer of these mothers and the openness of the other parents, an atmosphere of deep joy and Christian piety developed in the families, making it much easier for the children to recognize their vocations."

From 1 to 4 September 1946, the majority of the 323 priests and religious met in their village of Lu for a reunion which attracted world-wide attention.

"Did the Lord not say, “Many are called, but few are chosen” (Mt 22:14)? In other words, many are called, but only a few respond to that call. No one expected that God would hear the prayers of these mothers in such an astounding way. From the tiny village of Lu came 323 vocations!: 152 priests (diocesan and religious), and 171 nuns belonging to 41 different congregations. As many as three or four vocations came from some of these families.

The most famous example is the Rinaldi family, from whom God called seven children. Two daughters became Salesian sisters, both of whom were sent to San Domingo as courageous, pioneer missionaries. Five sons became priests, all joining the Salesians. The most well-known of the Rinaldi brothers is Blessed Philip Rinaldi, who became the third successor of St. John Bosco as Superior General of the Salesians. Pope John Paul II beatified him on 29 April 1990. In fact, many of the vocations from this small town became Salesians.

It is certainly not a coincidence, since St. John Bosco visited Lu four times during his life. The saint attended the first Mass of his spiritual son, Fr. Philip Rinaldi in this village where he was born. Philip always fondly recalled the faith of the families of Lu:

“A faith that made our fathers and mothers say, ‘The Lord gave us our children, and so if He calls them, we can’t say no.’”

Fr. Luigi Borghina and Fr. Pietro Rota lived the spirituality of Don Bosco so faithfully that the former was called the “Brazilian Don Bosco” and the latter the “Don Bosco of Valtellina”. Pope John XXIII once said the following about another vocation from Lu, His Excellency, Evasion Colli, Archbishop of Parma: “He should have become pope, not me. He had everything it takes to become a great pope.”

Every ten years, the priests and sisters born in Lu come together from all around the world. Fr. Mario Meda, the long-serving parish priest of Lu, explained that this reunion is a true celebration, a feast of thanksgiving to God who has done such great things for Lu."

The prayer that the mothers of Lu prayed was short, simple, and deep:

“O God, grant that one of my sons may become a priest!
I myself want to live as a good Christian
and want to guide my children always to do what is right,
so that I may receive the grace, O God, to be allowed to give you a holy priest! Amen.”



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Mother of six priests and four religious sisters mourned in India

Stories like this make me think of my dear daughter discerning a vocation to religious life and my sweet son, who has been saying since he was six that he is going to be a priest (he's further clarified recently-he's now eight- that he's going to be a missionary & monk). I do not know if my children will actually answer the call to religious life or the priesthood, but I am thankful that they are open to God's call.


Kolkata, India, Jul 21, 2011 / 04:36 pm (CNA).- Elizabeth Anikuzhikattil, a Catholic mother whose 15 children included five priests, a bishop, and four religious sisters, died at the age of 94 on July 14.

“We mourn the death of a holy mother,” said Fr. Augustine Kootala, a family friend, in an interview with India's Bosco Information Service.

Elizabeth Anikuzhikattil and her husband Luke, who died in 2006, raised eight boys and seven girls. Four of her daughters became religious sisters. Two joined the Sacred Heart Sisters in Kerala, one is a Salesian Sister, and another is a Franciscan Missionary of Mary.

Six of her sons have become priests, with the oldest going on to become the current bishop of the Diocese of Idukki in southern India.

“Don Bosco's promise of heaven for her is surely fulfilled,” said Archbishop Dominic Jala of the Diocese of Shillong. St. Don Bosco taught that a priest is the single greatest blessing to a family, and those who give their sons to the Church as priests will blessed for generations.

One of Anikuzhikattil's sons, Fr. Jose Anikuzhikattil, remembered his mother's perseverance in raising 15 children during the “frontier days” of a settlement in Idukki. The family moved to Idukki in 1949 with the first agricultural migrants to the area.

Fr. Anikuzhikattil said the family lived in a large tree house and frequently had to face wild elephants and other animals in the jungle who were displeased with the human intrusion.

His mother took care of one of her youngest sons when he was bedridden for 15 years, due to the paralyzing effects of an autoimmune disorder known as Guillain-Barre syndrome.

“My mother looked after him single-handedly for 15 years without even a single bed sore on him,” said Fr. Jose.

Elizabeth Anikuzhikattil was buried at Holy Family Parish near Munnar, India on July 18.

http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/mother-of-six-priests-and-four-religious-sisters-mourned-in-india/

How horrid... EVERY life has dignity

Follow the money:  Is the elimination of children with Down syndrome the first sign of a new eugenics?
By the year 2030, Denmark will become Down syndrome-free. If this happens, the landmark elimination of this minority group will be due to the introduction of a national prenatal testing program in 2004. The number of DS births halved in 2005 and has dropped by 13 percent every year since then. Niels Uldbjerg, professor of gynaecology and obstetrics at the University of Aarhus, told the Copenhagen Post that this is a “tremendously great accomplishment”.
But is it? Or is it a form of latter-day eugenics?
Although the United States is far bigger and more diverse than Denmark, the development of non-invasive prenatal diagnosis (NIPD) could make Down syndrome births a rarity there as well. Normally, they account for about 1 birth in 691. But when statistics show that when pregnant women are diagnosed with a DS child, as many as 90 percent terminate it.
Up until now, diagnostic techniques have been invasive and carried a risk of miscarrying the child. A good number of women refuse the testing and some give birth to DS children. But with non-invasive screening, the risk disappears. More women will have the test and nearly all DS children will be aborted.
Some consider this eugenics.(1) Eugenics – selecting people based on genetics out of a belief that it improves the human race – has been taboo since the compulsory sterilization laws in Germany under the Nazis. These evolved into the euthanasia of the disabled and were a precursor to the Holocaust. While no one is predicting government-mandated breeding policies, many people are worried that NIPD is ushering in an era of privatized eugenics.
Children with Down syndrome are the first to be affected. In recent years, abortions of DS pregnancies have outnumbered live births worldwide.(2) In France and Switzerland, over 85 percent of all DS pregnancies are terminated.(3) A recent United States study found that the gap between expected versus actual live DS births is widening due to DS pregnancies being terminated.(4) Given this impact, it is no wonder that prenatal testing is regarded by some as Eugenics 2.0.
A gross exaggeration, respond proponents of prenatal testing for DS. It’s not compulsory! Expectant mothers are free to choose whether to accept screening or diagnostic testing and to decide whether to continue or terminate following a diagnosis.(5)
The reality, though, is different. Many women are too scared to say No to testing and then to an abortion. Doctors admit to being poorly trained in counseling their patients and to even urging them to terminate.(6) There are too few genetic counselors for current prenatal testing programs. When NIPD arrives many more will be needed. Older diagnostic systems are invasive and women risk miscarrying. So “risk-free” diagnosis will be far more popular.
There are other problems. Doctors do not provide educational materials to their patients, nor do they discuss the third option of adoption following a diagnosis.(7) It’s not surprising, then, that mothers say that prenatal testing makes them anxious, regardless of the test results. A significant number believe that their decision was inconsistent with their values.(8) Sure, there’s no compulsion. But there is heavy-handed social pressure.
Commercial interests also stand to benefit from the introduction of NIPD. In the US, the National Institutes for Health (NIH) funded the confirmation of nuchal translucency as a first-trimester screening test for Down syndrome with millions of public dollars.(9) Just this year the NIH granted a private laboratory US$2 million for its efforts at developing NIPD, in addition to private funding.(10) In Europe, a multi-national consortium is supporting the Orwellian-named SAFE project: Special Non-Invasive Advances in Fetal and Neonatal Evaluation.(11)
In[m1] many countries, prenatal testing for DS is funded by taxpayers. Governments justify funding prenatal testing based on a claimed benefit that fewer children with Down syndrome mean more healthcare dollars for other people. Not surprisingly, because the patient does not have to pay the cost, there are more tests and more terminations.(12)
Supporters of public funding argue that it is cheaper to offer subsidized prenatal testing and abortions than to pay the medical bills of a child with Down syndrome.(13) Governments, therefore, are involved in a program intended to reduce the number of lives with DS. The new eugenics looks a lot like the old eugenics.
This eugenic inspiration becomes even more evident when considering what governmental programs do not fund. In the United States physicians are not required to have regular training on ethical, non-directive counseling and disability awareness. Testing laboratories are not required to also provide balancing information about DS to go along with the offering of their testing. In the US genetic counseling sessions are not covered by medical insurance and there is no public funding for parent support organizations, a helpful resource recognized by both patients and professional guidelines. Furthermore, governments fail to run public awareness campaigns on the value and dignity of a life with DS. They fail to combat stigmatization of people with Down syndrome.
What a contrast with reactions to the scandalous treatment of girls in Asia! It is estimated that 100 million girls are missing as a result of sex-selective abortion. It may be a mother’s choice, but Americans are not buying that argument. They are calling it gendercide. Meanwhile the Government funds prenatal testing that targets children with Down syndrome with an equally brutal result.
Following the money, and what it funds and what it does not, reveals that the current administration of prenatal testing for DS appears much more like the old eugenics that the civilized world pledged would happen “never again.”As a woman with a child with Down syndrome told a Danish newspaper, “We should not have an ethnic cleansing type of situation, which this resembles. They are going after one specific handicap. What’s next? Will it be children with diabetes who will be rejected?”

Mark W. Leach is an attorney from Louisville, Kentucky pursuing a Master of Arts in Bioethics.


Notes

(1) See e.g. McCabe LL, McCabe ER. Down syndrome: coercion and eugenics. Genet Med 2011 May 6; Stein JT. Backdoor eugenics: the troubling implications of certain damages awards in wrongful birth and wrongful life claims. 40 Seton Hall L. Rev. 1117 (2010); Dixon DP. Informed consent or institutionalized eugenics? How the medical profession encourages abortion of fetuses with Down syndrome. Issues Law Med 2008;24:3-59.
(2) Cocchi G et al. International trends of Down syndrome 1993-2004: births in relation to maternal age and terminations of pregnancies. Birth Defects Research (Part A) 2010;88:474-479.
(3) Boyd PA, et al. Survey of prenatal screening policies in Europe for structural malformations and chromosome anomalies, and their impact on detection and termination rates for neural tube defects and Down’s syndrome. BJOG 2008;115:689-696.
(4) Egan JF, et al. Demographic differences in Down syndrome livebirths in the US from 1989 to 2006. Prenat Diagn 2011; 31(4):389-94.
(5) Chervenak FA, McCullough LB. Ethical considerations in first-trimester Down syndrome risk assessment. Curr Opin Obstet Gynecol 2010;22:135-8.
(6) Cleary-Goldman J, Morgan MA, Malone FD, Robinson JN, D’Alton ME, Schulkin J.Screening for Down syndrome: practice patterns and knowledge of obstetricians and gynecologists. Obstet Gynecol 2006;107:11-17; Wertz DC, Drawing lines: notes for policymakers, in Prenatal Testing and Disability Rights (Parens E, Asch A ed., 2000).
(7) Driscoll DA, Morgan MA, Schulkin J., supra; Lindh HL, Steele R, Page-Steiner J, Donnenfeld AE. Characteristics and perspectives of families waiting to adopt a child with Down syndrome. Genet Med 2007;9(4):235-40.
(8) See e.g. Lalor, J Fetal anomaly screening: what do women want to know? J Adv Nurs 2006;55:11-19; Seavilleklein V. Challenging the rhetoric of choice in prenatal screening. Bioethics 2009;23:68-77.
(9) Malone FD et al. First-trimester or second-trimester screening, or both, for Down’s syndrome, New Eng J Med 2005;353:2001.
(10) Gene Security Network receives $2M grant from NIH to fund clinical trials to apply parental support for non-invasive prenatal diagnosis. available at http://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20110427007058/en/Gene-Security-Network-Receives-2M-Grant-NIH.
(11) Maddocks DG et al. The SAFE project: towards non-invasive prenatal diagnosis. Biochem Soc Trans 2009;37:460-5.
(12) See Boyd PA, et al., supra.
(13) See Andrews LB. A conceptual framework for genetic policy: comparing the medical, public health, and fundamental rights models. Wash U L Q 2001;79:221; (citing Sally Lehrman, Prenatal Genetic Testing: The Topic In-Depth, DNA Files (Nov. 1998), at http://www.dnafiles.org/about/pgm3/topic.html. (last visited Sept. 18, 2003). California's Genetic Disease Branch frankly reported in a government-sponsored study recounting the societal benefits resulting from genetic testing, “it saved a total of $108 million in 1993 by preventing 265 cases of Down Syndrome through prenatal testing and the abortion of affected fetuses.”); Morris JK, Alberman E. Trends in Down’s syndrome live births and antenatal diagnoses in England and Wales from 1989-2008: analysis of data from the National Down Syndrome Cytogenetic Register. BMJ 2009;339:b3794; Ball RH et al., First- and Second-Trimester Evaluation of Risk for Down Syndrome, Obstet Gynecol 2007:110(1):10-17; Gekas J, et al. Cost-effectiveness and accuracy of prenatal Down syndrome screening strategies: should the combined test continue to be widely used? Am J Obstet Gynecol 2011;204:175.e1-8.

http://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/follow_the_money/

On Recreation

Recreation is only rightly called "recreation" or "refreshment" when work is completed--that is assumed by the prefix "re" (again). It is refreshment AFTER work is done when the mind and body are afforded a time of renewal...for more work. Idleness is sinful and simply has no place in the Christian life. In fact, I'd say you can't get much more sinful than to be idle. Idle people often justify their idleness by saying they don't hurt anyone or that they don't spend any money. That is false. Their daily eating and drinking is wasteful because the principle is "he that does not work shall not eat". The idle person is like a car that burns fuel, but does not move or the cow that eats grain and gives no milk. Their LACK of production comes after they have filled their belly with food that God intended to strengthen man for work...not to provide sluggards with something to do every few hours.

The real problem in our culture is defining "work". Most Americans define "work" as punching a clock somewhere until they earn enough money to cover their expenses. A family that pays their bills is "doing well". The problem with this is that our desires then define work as it merely covers our costs. A selfish and indulgent man appears responsible by earning enough to cover his expenses--but this is a false appearance of responsibility. God does not teach us that paying our bills makes us righteous. He takes issue with those bills and teaches us that they ought to be limited to our needs...not our needs as defined by a weak and indulgent society, but our needs as defined by nature. The old philosophers all taught that frugality was a great means of income and that those who give to the poor lend to the Lord. This leads us to the true goal of Christian work. It is not self-support. It is charity.

St. Paul teaches the laborer to work, "that he may have something to give to him that suffereth need." Our Lord callus to to the abundant Christian life when He teaches, "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

The definition of our "work" is supplied by our own charity. It is determined by our own spiritual goals and as Our Lord likened the Christian life to an investment in the kingdom of heaven, we ought to be seeking to become as wealthy (in eternity) as possible...this life is a timed shopping spree for eternal rewards!!! The more we desire to do good, the more joyfully will we work for others--without reference to our own needs. Hope of reward will motivate us to give and do more and more...not seek rest here--rest that is cheap and inferior compared to that which we will have there! The most beautiful thing about charity is that the man doing good to another is doing so with the fruit of his own toil--which he could have spent on himself. The thief steals from him that works to satisfy his own desires, but the man of charity works to supply another man's needs. Is that not beautiful? That beauty of soul is what marks us as the children of God and disciples of Christ. It is the mark of the saints..not whether they keep their treadmill routine up or whether they've had a vegetable at each meal.

This leads us first to appreciate those who are generous--with true sacrficial generosity, not sharing out of abundance. Wisdom teaches that "the sluggard craves but has nothing", while the man of charity has to elect to work beyond his own needs that he may do good to others. How different is that spirit from the man seeking days off, watching the clock, making just enough to pay the bills, etc.?

You're going to waste your time trying to find guidelines to justify recreation because it is a question that history'd great people didn't sit around asking. The body is not a machine that runs out of gas and needs to be re-fueled as modern nutritionists health experts pretend. Our bodies run on more than calories and Jesus said as much when He taught that "man does not live by bread alone." Our bodies can work tirelessly when the hope of eternal rewards inspires us and the love of God and our neighbors enflames us. When we are doing God's will we are strengthened to do it, as He said, "My grace is sufficient for you." You will notice in the lives of many of the saints that their nutritional and sleeping habits were very strict, but we misread this to think of strictness and hardship. The saints were filled with love and courage...they didn't want to eat because they wanted their minds to be sharp and discerning. They didn't sleep because they saw too much work to be done--and they longed to do it.

Consider David in Psalm 132:

"LORD, remember David and all his anxious care;
How he swore an oath to the LORD, vowed to the Mighty One of Jacob:
"I will not enter the house where I live, nor lie on the couch where I sleep;
I will give my eyes no sleep, my eyelids no rest,
Till I find a home for the LORD, a dwelling for the Mighty One of Jacob."

David saw the Lord's worship in a very humble state...and couldn't allow himself to sleep while it remained so.

Consider our Lord and the Apostles. They were tired after much service and sought to get some refreshment. Jesus said, "Come away by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while." However, they were kept from resting by a crowd of 5,000 that traveled to find them. It was in that context that Jesus said to his apostled, "You feed them." In the end...instead of a time of refreshment, the apostles spent the day serving the multitude. Their own "refreshment" was never sought in place of the work of charity.

Such people do not live on vitamins, well-balanced meals or 8 hours of sleep. They love on grace, which God himself supplies to those who serve Him. It was this food that Our Lord lived on, as He said, "My food and drink is to do the will of Him who sent me." This is the spirit of true refreshment, and is captured eloquently by St. Ignatius in his prayer for generosity:

"Lord, teach me to be generous.
Teach me to serve you as you deserve;
to give and not to count the cost;
to fight and not to heed the wounds;
to toil and not to seek for rest;
to labor and not to ask for reward,
save that of knowing that I do your will."

That is true Christian refreshment and, last of all, was the refreshment the Lord sought through...yes THROUGH...the cross:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith. FOR THE SAKE OF THE JOY THAT LAY BEFORE HIM he endured the cross."

By William Michael, CLAA Family Forum

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