Friendship is what you put into it, not what you get out of it.

I have a friendship that is a source of much holiness.  It is a friendship whereby I am constantly called to give. I do not get affirmation. I deny my wishes. What is remarkable about this friendship is that it works mostly in absentia.  This is a spiritual friendship.  This is a friendship that calls me to holiness.  It is a friendship that affords me time to contemplate what God is calling me to in my life:  holiness.

During a recently stressful time in my friendship, after much prayer and contemplation, God very clearly spoke to me:

Friendship is what you put into it, not what you get out of it.

What does this mean?  What this means to me is that it doesn't matter how hard my friendship is, it means that it doesn't matter what my friend thinks of me, whether I am affirmed or enjoy my friendship, I am called to love and give without consideration of the cost.  What this means to me is that I have turned a corner.  It means that I am no longer looking at me but looking at another.

I am broken.  I am sinful.  I am fickle and selfish.  I am sometimes vindictive. I am proud and gluttonous.  God seeks me anyways.  I am called to be poured out, empty.  I am called to be holy.  I am called to be constant, giving, gentle, humble, and temperate.

And now there remain faith, hope, and charity, these three:
but the greatest of these is charity.

1 Corinthians 13;13

What is charity?  Charity is love, love in action.  Charity is not a feeling.  Charity isn't about what makes us feel affirmed, it's about what makes another feel love, joy, or peace.  When we stop looking at ourselves, our behavior toward others becomes very clear. 

In the small details, it's not talking, but rather listening.  I have found love in silence. 

It's not churning about with our own agenda, but looking at others to anticipate their needs.  I have found peace in stillness. 

It's reaching out to another, physically or emotionally.  I have found joy in giving.

How does this feel?  It feels empty.  But not in the sense that one has a hole that one needs to fill up, rather that one is full of another.

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;

and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God,

who loved me and gave Himself up for me."

Galatians 2:20

In your marriage, with your children, and with others, be silent and still that you may give to others; for it is in being emptied of ourselves and subsequently filled with Christ that we will achieve perfect communion with Him.